On 3^rd November, I returned to work after one year’s parental leave following the birth of my daughter. I’m lucky enough to be having a staged return: one month in the UK office, some weeks away over the Christmas period to allow for a special family reunion in Australia, before returning to what we call the January fast start.

Many working parents are not so fortunate. Feedback from other returners suggests there’s still much scope for improvement despite all the reports and recommendations.

Following three miscarriages, various fertility treatments and - just to keep us on our toes once we got to a viable pregnancy - an operation on day three of our baby’s life, my parental leave began. And along with it, my version of maternal guilt - around finding the ‘time off’ so draining and monotonous. After. All. That.

I probably spent about 50% of my parental leave reminding myself to enjoy the moment and be present. This approach did help my slow burn appreciation, although ideally, it would have occurred more naturally.

You’re told that you WILL feel immediate, unconditional love for your baby, and yet I struggled. Why would I love someone unconditionally, who took away my freedom and sleep, and replaced them with a whole array of discomforts?

My perspective on this was of course, partly shaped by our daughter spending the first month of her life in hospital. To our horror, she then returned to brilliant St George’s Hospital a month later for a second emergency operation, but happily, since then, has been going from strength to strength. As has my love for her.

During pregnancy and parental leave, I felt very supported by my place of work, but I know I am one of the lucky ones.

This year’s research from Pregnant Then Screwed, in partnership with Women in Data, found that up to 74,000 women now lose their job for getting pregnant or taking maternity leave each year. This is an increase of 37% from 2016, despite various efforts to shine a light on the issue and make positive change.

Additionally, 74% of women said their colleagues suggested their work performance had dipped because of pregnancy or maternity leave, and 35.9% of women reported they were sidelined or demoted while pregnant, on maternity leave, or upon their return.

So many of my friends have had bad experiences: immediate pressure and full work load, even on Keeping in Touch (KIT) days; bonus refusal during the third trimester simply because they were too tired to come into the office every day; limited flexibility to be able to pick their children up from school/nursery, forcing them to log back on and work late into the evenings.

It’s still very much down to the individual employer to ‘do the right thing’, when it should be, has to be equal standards and opportunities for all.

That elusive ‘term’: boundaries

It might come as no surprise that I’ve been looking forward to returning to work – but of course, this comes with a new sense of guilt. And worry – what milestones will I miss? What if she loves her nursery keyworker more than me? Or daddy, as she will now spend equal time with us both? But then I remind myself that our smiley, social butterfly daughter will thrive at nursery and I’ll appreciate our early mornings, evenings and weekends a lot more.

I’ve been told by countless people that once you have kids, you will prioritise them above all else and find it easy to maintain boundaries at work. I’m not so sure. I’ve always been ambitious, I’ve always cared (perhaps too much) and I’ve always worried what people think. (Apparently, I was meant to stop that last one when I turned 30.) But of course, I also want a work life balance. So what will my version of boundaries - and prioritisation - look like?

Firstly, what a good friend calls ‘cutting the fat’, when I told her about writing this article. I’m sure everyone has sat in meetings where the agenda has veered off-topic and you wish you’d (politely) got it back on track. Or the time it takes to reply to a vague email, only to be told that the sender figured it out for themselves five minutes after firing off the note to you? If you add all those moments together, you’re looking at a significant amount of time. (I’m sure someone somewhere has calculated it.) I know I can and will start being stricter with myself during these moments.

Secondly, and more importantly, time away from your child should always be time well spent. This new sense of prioritisation will give me the confidence to speak up more whenever I doubt myself and – that wonderful, visual expression – take up space. For her and for me. To make the most of the time away from her milestones. And to be someone she can learn from and be proud of, so one day, she takes up space too.